My Theme Song: Good Life*

One of my coworkers has this habit of posing a different question every few days or week on his white board. This week his question is: “What is the theme song for your life?” As someone who loves music a lot, I agonized over my choice. I wanted to make sure I picked exactly the right song. I listed to all my favorite artists and discovered something, they are all sort of depressing. I mean, I love the music because they typically tell a great story in the lyrics but they aren’t usually happy stories.

Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want
We’re young enough to say
Oh, this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life
I say, “Oh, got this feeling that you can’t fight”
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life, a good, good life

Ironically, when I finally picked out my theme song, it was a song I had heard on the radio a few weeks early. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve heard this song many, many, many times as it is popular with a lot commercials and been around for a while. But a couple of weeks ago, it was like I actually *heard* the lyrics. I actually wanted to write about my thoughts on this song but didn’t have time and then I was posed the question, reminding me of how I felt about this song.

Sometimes there’s airplanes I can’t jump out
Sometimes there’s bullshit that don’t work now
We are God of stories, but please tell me
What there is to complain about
When you’re happy like a fool, let it take you over
When everything is out, you gotta take it in

The thing I love about this song is that it has such a positive message. I feel like there are so many people who focus on everything bad that has happened, does happen or could happen that it’s easy to just sink into despair. It’s easier to focus on everything negative that goes on around you then to simply be happy. It’s easier to focus on everything we don’t have but want, instead of all the amazing things we do have. For the most part and for most people, I believe happiness is a decision that can be made, but it’s a hard thing to achieve and be successful at.

Hopelessly
I feel like there might be something that I’ll miss
Hopelessly
I feel like the window closes oh so quick
Hopelessly
I’m taking a mental picture of you now
‘Cause hopelessly
The hope is we have so much to feel good about

I remember, I was about 16 or 17 and one of my friends pointed out that I was such a negative person. I was, absolutely, flabbergasted at this. I had never realized how I had sunk into this negativity. I mean, granted there was a lot in my teenager years that led to that, but I had never noticed. When I was told that, it really bothered me, a lot. I took offense to it, but then I thought about what I could do to change that perception of me. I think for the most part I’ve succeeded. Typically, I’m the one putting a positive spin on things, I always have something positive to say about a situation. I’ve chosen to see everything that is great going on in the world around me instead of focusing on all the bad things

Because, when it comes down to it, it is going to be a good life, as long as I’m alive to live it.

Oh, this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

I focus on being thankful, grateful and happy with what I have in my life, and who I get to share it with. I don’t dream of “what ifs” and “if onlys” but instead, focus on what I can do to continue to have a happy life. Because of this, even when I’m driving back from my lunch break, going back to work to call customers and possibly get yelled at by them, I’m still, generally happy. There is so much in the world to be thankful, so much good to appreciate, so much more to focus on instead of sinking into all the bad things.

*Lyrics from the OneRepublic song: Good life. Clearly, the lyrics are not my original work and should not be confused as such.

Recharging at the Beach

I’ve been a little MIA recently. It’s because Joseph and I went to the beach to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. (The Leather One)

Specifically, we went to Daytona where we stayed in a condo on the beach. From Friday through the next Sunday (over a week), we were in glorious heaven.

During our stay, I creamed him in putt putt (no need to discuss the second game we played)

We ate at our favorite beach restaurant, Aunt Catfish (far too many times)

And, we loaded up on lots and lots of sunscreen.

Those ARE all empty (and SPF 50 or higher). I’m pale and I know how to keep from getting burned!

But between being a nauseatingly adorable couple who honestly love spending every moment together, (Seriously, we are annoying), I read, and wrote and just mused a lot about my life.

We took to walking the beach every night, whether it was on hunt for crabs (only found one!) or just to enjoy the beautiful weather and the ocean. We climbed the Ponce Inlet Lighthouse, which is 18 stories. We jogged on the beach in the morning and we climbed up the stairs to our 9th floor condo. We were wonderfully and amazingly active. And it made me realize something.

I am far too complacent and far too lazy. I enjoy walking and being active but at the end of a long and tedious work day, I just want to come home and veg out. And I do, for hours on end, watching tv, reading or writing. Once I get home, I turn into a sloth. I cook dinner, clean it up and don’t move again.

It’s unacceptable. It’s pathetic. There wasn’t one time while I was at the beach where I thought “Oh, I’m missing a show, I need to go watch tv.”

I’ve made a couple of decisions, that I’ve not fully hammered out yet all my thoughts. But, I do know that I don’t want to become a sloth every night. I want to explore and move and be active. I want to hit that recommended 10k steps a day, every day. I want to be too busy living to watch tv.

{Lent} A Decision

So, this whole giving up meat thing has been easy. Plain and simple there is no challenge in it, it doesn’t effect me. It’s not a big deal for me to switch from eating meat to not. I don’t miss it. I’m not learning anything from it. It literally does not effect me at all.

So, I’ve made a decision. I’m not going to continue to give up meat. I’m not going to necessarily stress out about throwing meat back on the menu, but if I want to eat meat, then I’m going too. In fact tomorrow night and Wednesday we are probably going to continue to not eat meat, because well it is cheaper.

I can’t say I consider this a failure or necessarily a success it is simply a wash. I’m surprised, I truly am. I would have bet money that I’d have a hard time being a vegetarian, but it’s really stinking easy.

I’ve also decided since I can’t seem to come up with something I should give up for the remainder of Lent, I want to come up with a habit to pick up. A good one, of course. So I’m brainstorming to see what I can figure out. A couple of things have flitted through my mind, but none of them really seem “right”.

Exercise {Vow}

I have this love/hate relationship with the working out. As is typical with a lot of people, when I get in a groove with working out, I do it a lot and enjoy it, but once I’m out of that groove it’s worse then pulling teeth.

I’ve been battling myself a lot lately with knowing that I need to work out and actually committing and doing it. I know I enjoy running but it’s hard to convince myself that when it’s time to actually to do it. I love being sore, but trying telling me that when I need to do some crunches (or worse burpees!)

But, I need to stop being lazy and spoiled and I need {NEED} to get active. I need to make a plan and actually commit. I need to make myself live up to my own standards. I enjoy feeling strong and trim. I enjoy pushing myself and accomplishing something I previously thought I couldn’t. I enjoy the rewards from working on myself and I need to constantly remind myself of that fact. {Constantly}

So, this is a public vow to myself, for others to keep me accountable to, to make working out a priority. To stick to the plans that I set for myself and stop coming up with excuses.

I Hate {the Dentist}

So, let’s be honest, how many people actually enjoy going to the dentist? I can remember when I was younger, elementary school age, and the dentist practically terrorized me. It was like I couldn’t floss well enough, I couldn’t brush to satisfaction. I remember the lectures I got for drinking too much soda (negative), only brushing right before going to the dentist (false) and the guilt I was given. It was like the dentist actually took the state of my teeth personally.

I can recall the times the dentist made me cry. I can recall the times I prayed to not have a cavity so I wouldn’t get the guilt trip. Every time the dentist came in to inspect my teeth and would make ominous sounds, I would cringe just waiting for the bomb to drop.

As an adult, I’ve mainly gotten over this fear. I mean, I think it’s ridiculous for anyone to make someone else feel bad for something that doesn’t effect them. And let’s not kid ourselves, my teeth hygiene does not actually effect my dentist no matter how much they may want me to think that. It helps that I get free laughing gas now. There is something wonderful about having your teeth cleaned while you limbs feel heavy and weighted down.

Today though, I got the best report from the dentist I’ve ever received:

“Typically, I have to deliver bad news, but not with you. You have beautiful teeth and amazing gums. I have no complaints.”

But, a little secret between you and I, when I scheduled Joe to go to the dentist at the same time as me, it wasn’t just to hold him accountable… It was to ensure I didn’t back out as well!

Now I have another six months to dread visiting the dentist.

{Lent} A Check In

So, when I decided to give up meat for Lent, I actually thought it would be a challenge. I can remember when we were teenagers and my sister was practically a non-meat eater and I always thought it was so pointless. I always assumed I was a meat and potatoes kind of gal, and I generally had some sort of meat with every meal. My dog is named Bacon, clearly I love eating meat.

It’s been two weeks, I think? It’s been smooth sailing. As it turns out, not eating meat is super easy for me. The most challenging time I’ve had with it is when we were up in Cherokee, North Carolina and trying to find a place that I could eat. The first restaurant we went too did not have a single thing I could eat, unless I wanted it deep fried.

I was worried when I began that not getting my normal protein source, and easiest to cook, that I would end up getting hungry. Turns out that when you eat tons of fruits and vegetables and add in some beans, you don’t really get hungry. In fact, if I may be so ballsy, I think I’ve actually had less of an appetite then usual. My grocery bill is also really fun. Instead of spending tons of money on chicken breast and ground beef, I’ve bought beans.

All in all, being vegetarian for the past two weeks has been super easy, a total cake walk. I feel like I’m defeating my point with Lent since it is so easy but I figure I’ll also stick it out. I wonder how much Joseph is liking his lack of meat, although he has found many opportunities to sneak it in.

Love Never Ceasing

There are times where I wish I could just stop caring about people. I have this imagination that makes any movie version of a book pale in comparison to how I imagine everyone looks and their mannerisms. This imagination makes it all too easy for me to put myself in someone else’s place, to feel their pain. Without a doubt, if someone starts to cry I’m going to tear up.

This weekend we visited with Joe’s aunt Jan. I’ve met her once or twice before when we’ve gone up to visit his family in North Carolina, but I’m not super close to her, simply because I’ve not gotten to spend a lot of time with her. But, she said something today that really resonated with how I feel and who I am. She said that once she love’s someone that’s it, there’s no taking it back. And she didn’t mean that in the romantic sense but in the people sense.

When I truly love someone, when I make the decision to make them part of my life and carve out a place in my heart for them, that love doesn’t just go away. There are people I’ve been through thick and thin with, who, at times, I’ve felt have wronged me, but I still love them. In the long run, I’m quick to forgive and forget because in the big scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. (Please note, that doesn’t mean for a good 30 minutes – a day, I might not be mad at you, but generally leave me alone and I’ll get over it)

It was crushing, multiple times this weekend to have to watch people I love and hold dearly to me, have to say their goodbyes to aunt Jan. Because, even though I don’t know her that well, there is something about her spirit that is so wonderful. When she said “Once I love you, I love you” (not a direct quote but that’s the gist, I’m horrible at quotes) it was utterly believable and sincere.

That’s a courageous way to live, with love never ceasing. It leaves you open to be hurt by people, who may mean the best, but often fall short. It means that while they have a place to live in your heart, you’ve given them a chunk of your heart in return. It’s a dangerous way to live, because it is trusting other people to carry you with them and keep you safe. If you want a full life, you should love like that. As scary and terrifying as it can be, it’s worth it, because that love will always be returned to you.

Keep aunt Jan and her family in your prayers.

I Love to Write

In fifth grade, we all had to write a short story as part of some competition. My story had something to do with a witch, or vampire or something. (Yeah, I was ahead of the curve) The cool thing was when my story was actually picked to represent the 5th grade for our school.

I think that is when the writing bug first bit and ever since then, I would write and write and write. Typically, when I wasn’t writing, I’d have my nose stuck in a book reading, a lot. The good thing about reading is it shows you two things:

1. What you aspire to write like.

2. Or, what you never want to write like.

The first thing can make you feel totally inept and the second thing makes you wonder “If they can get published, how hard can it be?”

I think Joseph is surprised sometimes, for how long I can just sit in front of a monitor and type out a story. He’d probably be even more surprised if I were to print out all the words I’ve ever written. I’m at the point that, no matter where I am, if I’m struck with a need to write, I have a way to do it. There’s an app for that (costly but worth it), I have a notebook in my purse and a netbook (Thank you God for giving me oddly tiny, childlike hands).

The best part is when a song comes on and it is practically begging for a story to be written, or I see someone who would make a great main character. I love when inspiration strikes because it opens up this world of possibilities where anything can happen. I never plan out my stories so half the time I’m just as surprised by what happens as someone would be if I let them read it. When I used to publish stuff and get comments, half the time the commenters would give me an idea of what direction to go next.

Perhaps that very reason is why I need to start sharing my writing. Feedback is a very important step in the writing process and one I am terrified to make. I have absolutely no idea of if my writing is good, bad or even mediocre and I’m scared of being told “Oh, that thing you love to do so much, well you suck at it.” I’ve never been good at putting myself out there, in any way shape or form. I’m just as shy in my writing as I am in real life.

Regardless, I love writing.

Patience

Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.

Psalm 37:7-9

One of my weaknesses is patience. I have a bad habit of not being patient. I always want something Now. I have a hard time waiting, especially if I have to wait past the designated time. When I get my mind wrapped around something I want, I have to have it then. Numerous times I’ve jumped feet first into something because I must have it.

I almost feel like I need to print out this verse and tape it to my monitor at work. I need to repeat it like a mantra in my head. “Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper-it only leads to harm” Over and over again, I need to remember this, not giving it up until I’ve learned it well.

It’s been a beyond stressful week. And I’ve been letting that stress get the best of me, but I have a hard time keeping patient and keeping calm.

“Be still in the presence of the Lord…”