So, when do you plan to start a family?

I’m not going to lie.. I know that this question comes from a place of love and excitement. It’s asked to engaged gals about to get married, newlyweds and not-so newlyweds who have yet to “start a family”.

Yet, it still is, possibly, the worst question you can ask a married gal.

It seems like there isn’t much of a right answer that can be given. If you don’t want children, what do you say? “Sure, I’m married and a part of a family, but I don’t plan to start one”… If you do want children, then sure, you can give an estimate or a timeline but if you have issues down the road, it’s apparent.

Trying to get pregnant and start a family is a really intimate thing. It’s hard. And it can also be vastly disappointing.

As a woman, every month that I try and get confirmation that I’m not pregnant is just another confirmation of my inferiority as a woman, whether that’s rational or not.

Every time someone asks when I plan to have kids, it’s just another reminder of the failure I feel.

Stop asking that question. Not just to me, but any female you know that may or may not want children, that may or may not be trying to have children.

If you don’t know the disappointment they face every single month, the tears they cry at feeling less then capable, the insecurity on whether they can do this, then don’t ask that question.

And if you do know how that feels, then you should already know better then to ask that question.

I know you love me. I know you want to see mini me’s running around. That goes without saying.

But every single month, when my body screws with me, when I try to convince myself NOT to get my hopes up but inevitably do, it’s just another slap in the face.

I know it takes patience, time and getting lucky (pun intended), but for every month I fail, there’s a voice in the back of my mind “what if there is something wrong with me and I can’t get pregnant?” And it beats me down and it hurts. so. damn. bad.


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2 responses to “So, when do you plan to start a family?

  1. *hugs* i am sorry i didnt know you were trying. you have told me in the past that you wanted kids but not any time soon. thinking of you – oh and btw you are not inferior!

  2. sarah

    I know how you feel… every month waiting to find out if this is the month and then get disappointed when you start. Thinking.. What happened? What did I do wrong? It’s a terrible cycle that you can put yourself through.. even doctors have the audacity to tell you to ‘try for a year’ then we’ll test for infertility. Are you kidding me??? A year? A month seems forever and to only have to try again.
    I don’t understand how some women can mention things like, “gosh.. you can babysit for me” or “I’m so fertile..” Are people that insensitive and self centered???
    Just remember to breath.. you are not alone 🙂

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